not all men
before we begin - hello! i am so so sorry for not updating in such a long time. bloody hell- it's been about 4 months (depressive episodes can be such a killjoy). but never fear, the sun's coming out and lockdown is easing - so hopefully some time soon i can feel that rush of serotonin and start posting more often. in honour of sexual assault awareness month - let's talk about 'not all men' and why you should stop saying it.
as humans, we tend to generalise things. for example, we say be careful of wasps, they can sting. but no one says, actually, not all wasps sting, because logically we all understand that enough wasps have stung humans in the past. how are we to know which wasps will sting?
when we speak up about women’s oppression and abuse, obviously we know it’s not all men. but think about it like this: 1 in 3 women are assaulted by a man in their lifetime. this is compared to one in 150,000: the odds of being stung by a wasp.
if your first instinct after a woman voices their concerns is to undermine their story with your own misogynistic rhetoric, then it’s not all men, but it may be you. instead of overpowering a woman’s voice, perhaps you should listen and respond with empathy while acknowledging that the issue isn’t that not all men are bad people, but that too many women are the victim of men that are.
#NotAllMen was trending on twitter on the 10th of march, begging the question – why do men make all posts about them personally? is it self-absorption, impaired empathy, the need to control women’s thoughts or the male ego? oh, but not all men, of course.
not all men are rapists, harassers, stalkers, etc. but all men can stop their friends from being just that; all men can intervene. all men can make a difference, but not all men want to. are ALL men putting in work to create safe environments for women? no.
i'd love to ask every ‘#notallmen’ man about the amazing things they’ve done to deserve recognition because – by spreading such a pathetic phrase – it’s as if they want rewards for not raping women on the street. we have reached such a bare minimum, that men (not all of them, of course) want recognition for not being violent attackers. the bar is so low, yet some men still can’t reach it.
we know it’s not all men, but it’s too many, it’s enough. men being more offended by the implication that some of their peers could be bad than by the harm they actually cause, makes them part of the problem. since when did a simple generalisation become more harrowing and important to address than sexual assault?
but it’s 3% away from being all women. let’s focus on that.
